fixing sentences

WALT add supporting detail/ideas to our writing

WALT write a range of correct sentence types 

During the holiday, I went to the beach with my friends. We saw there was a
volleyball net. We asked a family if we could borrow their volleyball. We played
volleyball for about an hour then had some lunch. Before we went home, we gave
the volleyball back to the family. I had a lot of fun at the beach with my friends.

Read this simple recount.

What do you notice about the recount?

There were to much we’s there

What could we add to this recount to make it more detailed?

Put i in the first we

Edit this recount above to make it more detailed:During the holiday, I went to the
beach with my friends. We saw there was a volleyball net. I asked a family if we
could borrow their volleyball. Then we played volleyball for about an hour then had
some lunch. Before we went home, we gave the volleyball back to the family. I
had a lot of fun at the beach with my friends.